The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
