So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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