you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
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You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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