not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We are all done wearing pants today
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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