I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
