I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
