Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
