last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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