This is not my ceiling
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
