I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
