I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
