So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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