Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
