He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
