just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
