I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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