Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
