ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
