I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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