We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
