there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
