Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
