Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
His nipple licking is glorious
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