i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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