I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize