what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
false alarm. still invincible.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
