i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
