So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
