Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just googled if crying burns calories
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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