I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize