i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
