Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
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Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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