It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
