4 words: hood of his car
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
