girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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