Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
