I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i now understand why vodka
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
