worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
