Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
