If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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