i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
