An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
