Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Oh god it's open bar.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
