omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
