do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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