so let's talk penis.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
