A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
