At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
