It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
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a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
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My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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