So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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