After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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