Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
