I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
