she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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