he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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