wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
