does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
