I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
