I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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