I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
