Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
