so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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