biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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