I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
