It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
