My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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