i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize